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Mind Wanders

It has been quiet lately O.o;; I'm still working on my model. The paint is fine. I'm working on fixing cracks, sanding, painting and repainting. So I'm mostly in between spray painting and waiting for the paint to dry then fix the crack, repaint and refix the crack..... some darn crack I fixed it 3 times already.... Due to the nature of the clay, minor cracks are unavoidable.

I made more animation gifs. There is one girl who asked me a few times to make some outer senshi transformation gif and attack gifs. It has been years since I last did anything related to Sailor Moon (despite the fact that my Dad still thinks everything I do online is about Sailor Moon..... this proves my family had absolutely no clue what I do on the computer). I actually managed to find some movie files as the sources of animation gifs, although the largest movie site, Ms Haruna's Home Room has been closed for years. I even found a free software to convert .ram files into .avi files. I made a requests page to temporary store my gifs, since I really have no place for them on my site. If you are interested to see them, you can go here:
http://www.rushita.com/admin/request.html
Or if you want to make a request or ask a question, you can go there too. I'm once again done all the reviews in LAR and I am quite free lately. If I can grant people's wishes without killing myself, I don't mind doing so ^^.

Speaking of LAR, people have been quite nice lately. They actually thank me one way or the other for reviewing their site. That's very relieving, and that's what would keep a reviewer going (I mean, keep on the reviewing job..... my English sentence and gammar is not that bright tonight).

November 1997 was the date I first got online. I used to spend so much time on SMU chat back then. It was so much fun chatting and talking about everything and being rediculous and "cool". Rushita started off at SMU like a newbie and joking and acting like a Chibi. It was fun and I can be care-free just because I use the name "Rushita" and nobody really knows who I am and I don't have to care about anything. But for the last 4 years, I haven't really been to chatroom anymore. I painfully realize that I don't belong there anymore...... unless it is a completely new community that nobody knows me. It all came back to the same issue that once people know Rushita, once Rushita is fully Rushita her real self, she is bound to act the way she is supposed to, to fit her age, to fit her image, to fit her profession, and to fit what people expect her to be. So, Rushita is sitting at her favourite spot in the chatroom, which is on a branch of the tree, just watching people having fun. Chatroom is no more fun. Since Rushita is Rushita, she has nothing to do with what people say or do in this world. Right, since 15 years ago, she doesn't belong to this world. Prehaps, she never did. The Masquerade Ball last night gave me a chance to feel what it is like when nobody knows who I am and not having to care what people think. But the greek goddess ended up sitting on the side sipping her own tea again....and bored. It was hard to answer even the simpliest question without blowing the cover. I didn't feel like lying, but saying my usual answer would proof that I don't belong. It took me 3 minutes to think of answer to what I like to do...... Funny, what do I really like to do that would closely resemble the young generation? What do I like to do anyway? *giggles* Rushita is gradually forgetting how to talk to people on internet. Rushita is gradually forgetting how to interact with people on ICQ. She has been hidding on her corner working for too long......so long.....working and working.... no talking to people..... My friends, you are there, I see you online for far way everyday. Forgive me. Forgive me for being a bad friend.

No worries. This has to be the most confusing diary entry. I couldn't even understand myself, so nevermind understand it.

~*~

- You've just read Rushita's heart - April 23, 2003 - 10:11 p.m. [ Comments ]


Emotional IQ Test

I took it at Emode.com. Wonder why I've never seen this one before.

Rushita, your Emotional IQ is 120.

So, where are you most emotionally smart? Your test results show that your strongest suit is perception � your ability to pick up on what others are feeling.

Because of this, you are unusually good at reading people's verbal and non-verbal cues. You're especially aware of the subtleties of people's actions, and can feel out the vibe of a situation better than many. That gives you and edge many wish they had. People with high perception skills like yours, however, tend to rely on them to the exclusion of others. As a result, they sometimes have underdeveloped abilities in other realms of critical emotional intelligence like managing emotions, empathy, and being expressive.

That's why I always say I can tell a person by his/her face. I'm not psychic. I'm just very good at picking up subtle cues that people subconsciously emit from their face that nobody else can see. I wasn't kidding. This test proves that I'm actually good at it XD.

~*~

- You've just read Rushita's heart - April 17, 2003 - 11:54 p.m. [ Comments ]


Model Update

So...I'm still working hard on the model. I've got it all done now, just need to colour it. Here is the revealing of the secret model project for Anime North 2003: ^^
The full view
A closer look of the handle
A closer look from the tip

Soooo.... It is the model of Tooya's mysterious dagger from Ayashi no Ceres. The dagger that came out of his hand, sliced and slashed enemies, and blasted the doors and walls. By coincident that the 2 main events that I'm going to participate at AN2003 are both related to Ayashi no Ceres. I'm not crazy about this anime, but Tooya's dagger is absolutely cool. I had thought of making a model of it last year, but Juri's locket won last time. This is a lot harder to make for all its details than Juri's locket and the Duelist ring in previous years. Nevertheless, it is not something impossible to make. I have learned that you can re-bake the clay over and over, and I sure did that a few times. Now that I know the characteristics of the clay, it is nowhere near as frustrating as it was with the Duelist ring. I had to make 5 Duelist ring to get it right, but both Juri's locket and Tooya's dagger were "one take". Basically because I actually can't afford to have to redo another dagger. It took me 2 weeks to carve and sand it into the right shape and right design. I originally were going to do Sheeta's laputa pendant. It would be a much easier project and "Laputa: Castle in the Sky" should be released in threater in NA in May. However, since transparent clay is practically not transparent, so I had to go for plan b.

I've actually spray painted the handle already. On preliminary testing, the spray paint seem to have no problem in drying this time even without primer. God knows why I couldn't get it dry on Juri's pendant last year @_@;; It was probably the 24K gold, or something wrong with the clay, or the weather itself. The last few days I couldn't decide on what colour to use on the handle of the dagger. I mainly based the model on the manga pictures. Each manga picture seems to have a different shade of brown for the handle. I finally found the episodes in anime where the dagger appeared. The handle ranges from gold to beige to light brown in anime. Upon pondering... I decided to use the 18K gold spray paint we have at home. It is not as "gold" as the 24K gold I used on Juri's locket last year. And after applying a clear coat, hopefully it will give something like a bronze colour. That means, I'm leaning towards the anime version now. I couldn't find the right spray paint colour that would be close to the manga verison. The blade will be a silver spray paint. Spray paint is a more convenient and faster job then other medium. *Closes finger* I'll see if the paint will dry properly. Dad did a layer of spray primer on it anyway. And the red dots on the dagger.....which are something like gems..... I'll keep a secret of what I actually will use on it ^^. I'm not going to buy a can of red paint just for the few dots.

~*~

- You've just read Rushita's heart - April 16, 2003 - 5:17 p.m. [ Comments ]


Religious Misconceptions II

I once again got reminded I have something else to clarify. Here is another popular misconception about Christianity and God:

A lot of people don't understand why God wants you to worship him. Some people even think it is too boostful for God to ask people to worship him. First, we need to make one thing very clear. God IS GOD. He is the highest one. Boastful or arrogant is used to describe somebody who thinks or acts higher than he really is. Such description is not valid for God, 'cause He really is the greatest one. Second, God deserves to be worshipped. He is the Creator, the Ruler of the world, the ultimate wisdom, the greatest love, the source of all good things, the almighty King, the fairest judge, the one who exists from the beginning till the end of time. For Him nothing is impossible. If you don't worship Him, who else should you worship? O.o;; Of course, if you don't believe in the characteristics of God, or how christianity works, you don't have to agree on a thing I say in this entry. But since I'm talking about clarifying some misconceptions about Christianity and God, we do have to follow the system of Christian beliefs. Third, worship is a way for man to get close to God. This is one of the main purposes for worship. Through worship, man can see God, man can undersand God, man learns the will of God. God is a relational "being". The whole thing in Christianity is about relationship with God. It is not about the worship order, worship procedure, or the steps in a ceremony. It is about coming close to God and experience the presence of God. Here is another analogy (told you I like analogy): You love your girlfriend so much that you give her all the good things and everything she needs. You guide her through all her difficulties in her life. Are you going to tell her she doesn't need to see you or be with you and all she needs is just to talk to you on the phone or wait for you to call her.... or just sit home to wait for your mail? I don't think so. If you love her, I'm sure you want to spend some quality time with her (no matter what form the quality time takes....) and you want her to be close to you. This is not a very good analogy, but this is similar to why God wants us to worship him (on top of the fact that he really deserves all the praises). Through worship, we see God. Fourth, God wants us to worship with our heart, not the ceremonial procedure. Worshipping God just for the sake of the worshipping act doesn't work. When christians worship God, we are doing it out of our hearts and we at least somehow love Him and we have a spritual desire for Him. Back to the "girlfriend analogy", it is pointless for your girlfriend to see you everyday, kiss you everyday, if she doesn't even love you. It is pointless to even for you to ask her to be close to you if she doesn't even love you. Fifth, worship God is not a requirement to gain the salvation. Not a requirement to believe in God. Please make that clear. Christians worship God voluntarily out of our love for God and our spritual desire for God. We do it because we want to understand God and His will. God wants us to worship Him because it is good for us to do so. When you love God, you will automatically worship him out of your heart. Just like the "girlfriend analogy", if your girlfriend loves you, she will want to see you and talk to you all the time and know everything about you. Sixth, worshipping God is for Christians only. It is pointless to talk about worship if a person doesn't even believe in God. He is not going to understand worship if he hasn't first experience God.

It might seem strange for you to see how God wants His children to worship Him, if you don't believe in God. Just like a person will not understand why lovers seem to have endless things to talk on the phone if they are not already talking in person, if you have never been in love. Bad analogy, but you probably will get my point.

For those who thinks God is too arrogant to ask His people to worship Him, or having great difficulty to understand why God ask His people to do so, perhaps their pride is too big in front of them to keep them from being humble before God. Perhaps, that's why they still don't believe in God.

~*~

- You've just read Rushita's heart - April 12, 2003 - 11:25 p.m. [ Comments ]


A short update

I'm still working day and night on my model. That's why I haven't been online much lately. It is going very well and I'm almost done making it before colouring. I'll have a "naked" picture of the model soon, and then I'll have to worry about what medium I want to use to colour it. It could be metal paint or metal leaf or metal spray.... or a combination of them. I still like spray paint better. It gives an even, smooth and shining surface....that is if I do it right. Dad probably will help me do it anyway since he is so experienced in spray painting and has all the equipments anybody will ever need ^^;;

Not much is going on otherwise. I'm glad the server has been working fine. Much better than my previous host. I've always believed the server is not why Moonwings has all sorts of problems. It couldn't be. If I don't have any problem on my server, there is no reason to have any problem on MW's. I'm coming up with a theory that MW is just cursed one way or the other. If it wasn't the login/logout problem, it was database problem or other problems e.e;; Anyway, I'm not the site owner so I'm not going to worry about it.

Summer need to come soon. Nevermind spring, we never get spring in Toronto anyway. We just need summer here and winter to go away. I'm starting to get tired of my winter clothes. Snow has been around for so long that when I got back to my usual "all-purpose-12-hour-standing-2-inches-heel battle (aka work) shoes" last week (instead of my timberland shoes with "tires" on the bottom), I almost forgot how to walk on heels and what the view is like being 2 inches taller e.e;; That's why I love heels. It feels so good and feminine and sexy being taller and so good to see a better view from a higher position. 2 inches do make a different. You won't believe until you try it. I wish I could be 3 inches taller without the high heels :D

Where is xq? I've been working on the model late every night that I hardly get to talk to him..... When I decided to wait for him on ICQ, he is not on! Nevermind, he is on now ^^ Wee!

~*~

- You've just read Rushita's heart - April 11, 2003 - 11:24 p.m. [ Comments ]


Religious Misconceptions

Although this is going to sound like I'm responding to somebody's blog, that blog was more like a trigger for me to finally sit down and write this up. This is more of a summary of what I have always wanted to say to a lot of people. I usually refrain myself from making too much a big deal or causing too much trouble on message boards or other people's sites when it comes to Christianity. It makes little sense to me to argue with someone in public when that person is already very irritated about Christianity. However, this is my website and my blog. Nobody is going to stop me from defending what is right and I ain't going to keep myself silence here. After all, this is what "Heaven In Heart" really means. This is the place where you are going to see the heaven in my heart.

I've heard from so many people in different places all complaining or criticizing Christianity and God, basically resolved into a few common misconceptions. I can understand that some of the people have probably spoken to "non-true christians" before and had bad times with them on religious issues. This is especially true in North America in the non-chinese community. There are a lot of people who claim they are "christians" are not what I will call "true christians". It won't be surprising that what they said are very extreme and not making much sense. They probably don't know what they are talking about in the first place. So before I go on, let me put down my stand point:

First, my statement of faith. I believe in one God in three Persons (Father, Son, Holy Spirit), and that God's Son, Jesus, is fully God and fully man and He eternally pre-existed with the Father. To save me from explain it in too detail, you can refer to the statement of faith of Kids 4 Truth. That should be the common statement of faith for all true christians and true christian churches. Ignore the "distinctives" part, that is kinda arguable.... In another words, in Rushita's definition, whoever or whichever church preaching something different from this basic statement of faith is not what Rushita considered as real christian or real christian church. It doesn't matter what denomination it is, but most traditional ones are considered as "christian churches" and in Rushita's definition, Catholics are not Christians. It will be a totally different topic to explain why I think catholics are not christians. In short, those you-know-who that knocks your door every Saturday leaving booklets at your mailbox and those who tells you there is another book to follow besides the Bible, or those weird ones that said Jesus is not God and you need to do something to get salvation are not real christians. So don't be surprised if what they said are not making sense or being too pushy.

Now we get those "non-true christians" away, I'll really get to my point. The number one misconception that people have about God is that "God is totally unfair because God is going to send people to hell JUST BECAUSE they don't believe in Him, even though the persons are perfectly good". First of all, there are a few mistakes in the statement itself.:
1. God is not unfair -- Saying "God is unfair" is an assumption itself. Why God is not unfair? Well, let's go on and you'll find out.
2. A person is perfectly good -- Nobody can be perfectly good. The only person that has never sinned is Jesus. Everybody has sins. You think you are good, or a person is good, that is not what God thinks. God sees everything and knows everything. He knows what you are thinking. We have lied. We have evil thoughts. We have lusts. Hatred, sloth, envy, prides (boastful). These are all sins. Don't tell me you have never sinned. Even the smallest sin that hides in the back of your mind that nobody knows is sin. God's standard is much higher than human's standard. Everybody has sinned and nobody is perfect.
3. God send people to hell just because they don't believe in Him -- You don't get send to hell JUST BECAUSE of that. You go to hell because of your own sins. @_@;; That is the price you have to pay for sinning. Perhaps it is not a sin itself not believing in God, IF you have never heard of God. But when you are given a million chances to receive the salvation for FREE..... (think of how many real christians tried to explain to you about God and tried to persuade you to believe in God)... and all you said is "no, NO, NOOO!!!" and curse and bash God with all the unreasonable excuses, then it is your sin and it is your own fault that you go to hell.

So everybody has sinned and are we all going to hell anyway? Obviously not, otherwise what are us Christians all talking about? @_@;; Ok, the deal is, we sin all the time, and we can't help it. Frankly, we can't help doing bad things no matter how hard we try (again, God's standard of "Perfect"). That is exactly why God needs to save us. All it takes to clear up our debt from the sin (so we don't have to go to hell), and all it takes to eventually stop us from more sinning, is FREE. All it takes is admit you are a sinner and to believe in God and let him be in control of your life (admit that we aren't doing a perfect job controlling ourselves.....). The way to save yourself from going to hell is there. It is just that simple. Don't complain God is not fair. He lets you pick and he has given you many many chances to come to Him or at least try to understand Him, through the many "annoying" Christians like me. Whichever road you pick, it is your choice and you are responsible for what you pick. And also, it is not just about heaven or hell. It is about living a better life in this life.

Speaking of hell. I've explained on message boards many times. Heaven and hell is not what most people think. Heaven means where there is God and all the good things. All good things come from God. Hell means no God and no good things. None at all. Why do people want to go to Heaven anyway? Think of it, if you don't believe in God and don't like God (if you don't even believe Him, you won't like Him.....), why in the world would you like to be with God in Heaven for ever and ever??? O.o Wanting to go to Heaven but not believe in God is contradicting. If you think God would let you do that, than God isn't making much sense either.

Analogy, I like analogy: You thought you were an orphan, and one day, your real father found you. He told you he was your father and wanted to take you back as his daughter/son so you can live with him in his big house and share his fortunes. You insist he is not your father and you insult him and say you want nothing to do with him. You didn't believe he was your father and you didn't want to make up with him. You just wanted to be left alone. Then again, you turned around and complained to everyone that he won't share his house and fortune with you. Instead you might be totally broke and live on the street. You thought he was unfair. Meanwhile your father is sitting in his big house everyday waiting for you to come make up with him and sending his servants looking for you and persuade you day and night. You just won't go to him and admit his was your father........you won't, no matter what. Now who is being unfair here? @_@;;

More misconception. I don't know why people think God is like the guy sitting up high playing with people's life. If God is playing with people's life, then he wouldn't give you a choice to pick whether to believe in him or not. Frankly, if I were god, I would just make everybody believe in me and that makes everybody's lives a lot easier. God isn't playing with we lives, we are. We make a mess in our lives and God is so kind that He is always there to help you to fix them and guide you to a better life. He guides you to all the good things He prepared for you. If only you would ask him. Don't blame Him if you don't ask Him and refuse Him, and rather to let your own sins control your life. If you think God is judgmental, He is. He is the ultimate Judge who judges you for your actions and thoughts. It would be another contradiction if God is not judgmental. God is the Creator and Ruler of the world. God is God and He is the ultimate standard of what is right and what is wrong. He is the fairest judge. However, this is not to say people should be judgmental. Forgiveness and good and stuff are for human. People should not be judgmental because only God can judge a person based on his actions and his heart (well...except the earthly authorities judges in court cases according to earthly laws......).

It is unfortunate that some people who tried to preach the gospel giving non-believers negative impressions and bad experiences about the religion or God. Chances are, they aren't even real Christians according to Rushita's definition above, or they are lousy Christians who aren't living out God's word in their lives or don't really understand God.

I don't want to judge whether a person is a good christian or a real christian, but I'm pissed when someone make other people hate/misunderstand God or Christianity more than they already are. If they are not going to bring a person to God and help the person to receive a fruitful life, they might as well stand on the side and not messing up the hard work of other christians. e.e;; There are many ways to bring other people to God and what other people see in your own life is definitely a major thing to affect them.

And speaking of the salvation being FREE. It is just FREE for us, not for Jesus. He had to give up his life in order for us to get it for FREE. He is the only sinless man and He is the only man that has conquered death. Only through Jesus that our sins can be forgiven so that we won't have to take the consequence of our sins anymore. He paid the price of our sins already.

I personally don't like to make the salvation so cheap. We get it for free, but please don't make it so cheap that we have to beg people to take it. Frankly, it is very precious. Our dear Jesus died for it. I tend to have my "evil side" and I don't like to beg people to take the salvation. The ultimate good thing is laid in front of you. The way to get it is shown to you. You want it, you go get it. Begging people will only make people think it is so cheap, and God is so unfair and irrational and judgemental and all the bad things they can think of. It is so sad and ridiculous that people don't want to help themselves when other people around them are working their butt off trying to "force" them to get a better life. Well, hell or heaven, you pick it yourself. You get what you pick, and don't blame other people.

At last, I want to tell a bible story in "Rushita's way" ^^. The one person in bible that sometimes I'm most similar to is Jonah ^^;;. One day, God told Jonah to go to Nineveh to preach. The people in Nineveh had sinned so much that they were all going to get into big trouble soon if they don't repent. Jonah didn't want to go. Jonah thought the people in Nineveh had done so many bad things to God that they might as well just suffered from the consequence of their sins. So Jonah went the opposite direction to ran away from God. But God wouldn't just let the people in Nineveh die. God followed Jonah to the boat he was taking and stirred up a big storm. The other people on the boat found out Jonah was the reason why they were in danger so they threw him into the sea and God sent a big fish and swallowed Jonah. Jonah got trapped in the big fish's tummy for 3 days and finally was brought back to the shore. God wasn't going to just give Jonah an easy time. He told Jonah to go to Nineveh again. Well, since there was no way to escape from God, Jonah went there. He still didn't understand why God would not just give up the people in Nineveh who had not been nice to God. So when he got there, all he said was "40 more days and you are all going to die (or the city will be overturned, something like that, well, you get my point....)". He made himself a shelter outside the city and just waited there to see how people are going to be punished for their sins. When people in Nineveh heard what Jonah said, they go, "Holy crap, God is angry and we are all going to die!!". So they all fasted and mourned for their sins and they all repented. Since they repented, God was happy and He held off the calamity that He was going to send. Jonah was angry, "What the heck? Those people deserve to be punished. I knew you would be so softhearted. That was why I ran away from you. You are just too kind to them." God loves his people. He gives people chances over and over again. He wouldn't just give them up. There are some people like me who thinks why make the salvation so cheap and just let people to pick their own paths and their own consequences. Frankly, I'm a christian already, I'm saved. If people don't care about themselves, why do I bother to be the annoying "bad guy" to persuade them to take care of their lives and their souls? Fortunately, God won't let things go that way. God loves everyone. He wants us all to reconcile with Him. He wants us to have a better life this life and eternally. He want us to be free from the control of sins.

God is giving you chances. Real christians are trying to help. But if you are not helping yourself, nobody can.

If you like to discuss about religion, christianity or God with me or have questions to ask, you are more than welcome to e-mail me.

~*~

- You've just read Rushita's heart - April 05, 2003 - 10:09 p.m. [ Comments ]


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